My 2cents on alcohol while I’m on my soapbox
Disclaimer this is unedited because sometimes you just gotta go 4 it
Of course sometimes I want a margarita. Other times an orange wine on a hot summer day. Even though I feel like there is something spiritual about sipping tequila or mezcal and wine is more a part of culinary culture than drinking culture- I don't indulge. Someone else echoed the orange wine sentiment in my dms this morning after I posted about reaching a milestone in my sobriety while also announcing my dms are always open for anyone who is sober-curious not related to addiction. A lot of people reached out and for them I am grateful for the discourse! It was important for me to disclaim the separation from addiction support because they are two different experiences.
I have two close friends I’ve known more than half my life at this point who went through AA. They both rely on a structure of organized support. I have known these women so long that I knew as little girls they had the purest hearts. How? Animals gravitate towards them. The maiden I understand her in a way that no other friend from our childhood will. Simultaneously I can understand that it is not the same for me and her of how we got here yet we both like the results we have gotten from the same choice. Sobriety is not a one size fits all. As a Leo, I really compete with past and future versions of myself not with other people. Being sober has allowed me to deal with the unproductive patterns I caused for myself by just actually having time and space to practice different strategies to like myself better. I also respect that we are always growing and I know sobriety gives me more time to do so. Time is our most precious resource.
The grace responded to my content and said
grace: Can I share your story to mine? It’s hard for me to explain the effects of alcohol bc people think since I’m an alcoholic I’m like 🙅♀️you have a better unbiased explanation.
Im not sure I am unbiased, I have to believe in the power that sobriety wields and then I also have strong opinions of a concoction of influences in how we got to global warming which is always going to be tainted with my lens.
First I need to untangle a bit on the thread of addiction, my problem was never alcohol but an insatiable desire to feel or connect with others. I never went to great lengths of hurting myself because my body just didn’t let me. I’ve learned how to listen to my body and coexist with her since I was a child. I had to make food journals and figure out what I was allergic to throughout majority of my youth. I deeply understand how there are two of me experiencing life at the same time, and perhaps even more mes but this isn’t about assemblage theory today. The problem for a long time, whenever I was working on my health, was I hadn’t wrapped my head around the idea that alcohol is an allergy in the same way gluten or corn syrup can be. No one I recall was talking about how alcohol is an inflammatory. However inflammation affects the individuals is up to the specimen but I think the plethora of information out there is convincing that it affects all of us. If I too have inflammation, where do I see it as a phenomena in the world, where is there heat build up and what is causing it?
Everything affects the brain. All the daily cups of coffee, all the weed I smoke, all the screens we scroll. My reason for sharing to the public is that you gotta know what you are bargaining for in this modern life. The brain scientists will tell you how important sleep and diet are for overall well being. We intuitively know this yet it’s really hard to practice. When you drink your body more focuses on breaking down the alcohol than doing its normal repairs and neurotransmitter release functions. Theres also science pointing to alcohol being neurotoxic. I don’t wanna fear monger with dementia but there is evidence to check out. I do agree loneliness is a confounding factor in both conditions ( high alcohol consumption and dementia) and that is also likely a cause for a brain to not operate at its optimal function.
I’m not here to necessarily influence anyone to my side who doesn’t want to be here. I don’t judge anyone even if the my intensity of my words isn’t gentle for people who are perhaps triggered by the contents of my creations. I do enjoy being around people who are drinking- to a certain point. Just providing information on what excessive drinking bargains for and for those who wanna talk about it I’m here to validate you. I don’t need everyone to protest with me but I’d like for you to look at my little sign from that might encourage you to critically examine why Western cultures worships alcohol as a pillar and why other civilizations might not encourage its intake so casually whether it be from abstaining or using in ceremony for spiritual practice.
What else do we worship as a global civilization? Money. I have this theory that alcohol consumption culture is a capitalistic scam. Working for the weekend. Numbing warriors. Letting moms escape reality. Glorification in the media of cocktails as an interesting character attribute. There is a sweetness to going into work on Monday morning after a rough weekend. I’m on the political side of things that I just don't want us to run from awareness anymore.
I made a new friend years into my alcohol free lifestyle that doesn’t consume mind altering substances like alcohol and weed. We do things like investigate turkey tailed mushrooms under logs together. She mentioned how alcohol can lead to outbursts of violence, an increased infliction of violence on the self, as well as the idea of needing to change the self to open up and connect with others is a violent act. This isn’t everyone’s experience yet the scary reality of alcohol is you are always gambling with a hangover both externally and internally, there are consequences that might come out at you and what passes through you. One might wage for that bet because hard alcohol is really effective most of the time as a feel good- like sugar, like caffeine, like shopping. Once you learn how to hack a system and sit out of discomfort it is really hard to say no to little tricks. For anyone who studies homeopathy you know that there is the sympathetic magic principle of like cures like. Ancient medicine teaches us about the importance of small doses and equilibriums for the body, just a splash of the medicine can cure but too much it becomes poison.
So that's the very surface level of me for why I don't drink. My body truly does not respond well to it as someone with autoimmune and I want more control over how I spend my time in a society that doesn't provide much freedom.
grace: Finally got in to a holistic psychiatrist studying brain damage recovery for people with mood disorders and the things I have learned Also, I learned from YOU that embracing being neurodivergent as a superpower/beauty not disability is the only way to start the process of healing.
Okay so my mom would probably say I have a mood disorder, but like I’m honestly just a triple fire sign with a Venus and Jupiter in Virgo. I had a difficult dynamic to work with in the lot I was dealt in life. I have the gift of being a writer and that wouldn't be the case if I didn't feel so intensely or have conflict in my experiences that allowed me to transmute that into art and emotional intelligence. Failure, heartbreak, loss, grief can teach you a lot. As long as we have time there is always a possibility if you are willing to be accountable to doing your version of the work. We have to love ourselves for the ugliest things we’ve done or the darkest parts. The shadow can be a tool. Also neuro-divergent, I know the way I process is not" “normal”. Yet what is important here is… back that the brain- protect it at all costs!!! I don’t wanna be a normie if the expectation to perform is what it is, I’ve very come to like this experience and wanna use all of my brain power from creativity to rest- thats what intentionality is to me.
Grace: Weird is wonderful and I love you lots my weird witchy sister friend 🫶
I need to talk about how it started. I wanted to challenge myself because I made a friend whose birthday was two days ago. She did not drink and I saw what she was able to leverage as a result. It encouraged me stop drinking in art world events I was working in and I realized how much it was able to allow me to excel and perform well and pay attention. My former coworker from the gallery borrowed this strategy from me and for his own reasons would go sober in the pandemic a menos los porros y hongos como yo. He is not the only man I’ve worked with that I have been an extra spark for the flame around their sobriety, i’ve seen it with a painter too. This experience has shown me how living your truth is always going to inspire in whatever form that might take.
The second reason to stop drinking was also a person, he was a really fucking hot chef who doesn’t drink. I admired the dedication that I saw in him. I’ve always experimented with sobriety as I am sure as some people take breaks as well but I’ve never committed to an extended period of time exceeding perhaps 2 months.
Thirdly, I somewhere read alcohol in Arabic means soul eater. Fourthly, a sage told me the witch is always present and to wield your powers you much always be able to be in control and that clicked something deep in me as my mission in life is to learn as much as possible and to do so-I need magic and to really understand all of its properties.
My 27th birthday I decided to commit to 100 days without alcohol then quickly added a 0 after I had a vision of myself holding an award in my hand. Ironically my 999 day I handed out an award to a student for the Gender Studies student of the year, the class I taught. I never would have imagined before starting my quest that I would serve my community by being a teacher yet it was a necessary and enjoyable step to become myself. Poetic justice would have it that I wasn't winning the award but I was giving it, hearing all the students clap and cheer for Ms.Alvarez was a great feeling that still floods my brain with dopamine thinking about it. I couldn't predict any of that but I can write about a manifestation that happened and trust in something bigger than me and listen to what it is telling me. Astrology, herbology, manifestation, not having alcohol is a series of spiritual practices.
Grace: Last thing, yoga didn’t help the chronic pain but watching you dance inspired me to try it. Now I dance and cry or laugh with my horses as the sun comes up every morning. I appreciate you giving me that gift of mental/physical pain relief 💙
If you read my work you know I think the body is telling stories. I dance because I think it excavates themes and provides content for my writing practice and sculptures. So thats why I decided to make my announcement on me dancing. Gotta get the stories out there whatever best way we can.
besitos,
AVA